I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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