i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
