you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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