I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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