So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
