There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
