It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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