He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
