Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
