It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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