Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
