When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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