Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
