found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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