maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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