oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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