wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
