Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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