yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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