when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Two words: blizzard sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
