everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
