oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize