And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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