There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize