is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
