I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
