I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
