I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
