wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
