Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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