Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
