I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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