I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
