dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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