mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
