worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
