Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
