Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
