Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
