Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
time to smoke my breakfast
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
