you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
