so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
