So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pants are for mortals
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
