they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
