Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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