"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
