Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
