I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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