i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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