i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
