Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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