sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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