mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize