I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
