I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
