You really coming over, don't trick.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
