Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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