I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
