What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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