you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
