so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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