I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
