"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and she was petting her beer can
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
