He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i think i just lost a toe
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
