Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
